Who's Your Audience

This past weekend, I took Friday off and we (being myself, Robert, his mum, and his dad) headed down to my sister’s cabin, located strategically between Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, Tennessee. The cabin is three stories and has three bedrooms (see link in right-hand column). We insisted on mum and dad staying in the upstairs master bedroom, which houses a king-sized bed and Jacuzzi bath. I don’t think they took advantage of the bathtub, though, as we were incredibly busy all weekend!

We arrived around 1:00 Friday afternoon. The cabin, called Pointe Vista, is located on Boogertown Road. In mountain speak, a "booger" is a "ghost." Pointe Vista has a key code that you have to enter in order to access the front door. The door wouldn’t open no matter how many times we pressed in the code. I called my brother-in-law and left him a message then contacted Timber Tops, the management company in charge of the cabin. We sat out on the deck, which overlooks the mountains waiting for someone to arrive. Within 15 minutes, a tall pock-faced gentleman showed up. He opened the door and reset the lock while Robert and I looked on. The battery had been dead. Before the maintenance man left, he asked Robert what kind of accent he had. Robert replied that it was English. Our friendly maintenance man went on to tell us that his grandfather had traveled from Ireland to England to Canada to the United States, much as Robert’s own dad had (sans Ireland). That was our first encounter with a transplant in the middle of the Smoky Mountains. Right after our helpful maintenance man left, Allen called to make sure we got in okay. That little mishap was thankfully diverted.

Once we unpacked and freshened up, we headed in to Gatlinburg. We stopped at a welcome center and bought some maps to the hiking trails, some salt water taffy, and a book about bugs. Once we got into town, we decided to park the car and walk. There’s a parking structure that costs only $6 to park for the day and that’s where our car stayed while we enjoyed shopping and riding on the tram in redneck Disney World!

Ober Gatlinburg is the ski resort that resides on Mt. Harrison in Gatlinburg. We took the aerial tram all the way to the top of the "moun-anne." The tram provides a panoramic view of the town and the surrounding houses. There is a house that is modeled after Barbie's penthouse as well as one that is made out of plane wings. Some people will do anything for a laugh.

Robert, Mum, and Dad entering the tram.

View from tram.

Tram passing our tram.


After we departed the tram, we decided to shop. There is usually only one shop from which I buy merchandise at Gatlinburg, and that is Arrowcraft. Arrowcraft displays arts and crafts from local artists. They carry everything from $5,000 emerald rings to $2.50 wine stoppers…and everything inbetween. It had been a long time since I shopped, however, and I guess that’s why I spent so much on this trip! I bought a pair of Merrell tennis shoes at Natural Comfort Footwear. The shoes are light blue and made for a woman’s pronation so I got the advantage of beauty AND comfort! I then pointed out a necklace I liked at The Silver Shop. Although I decided not to purchase it, Robert snuck back in the store while I was looking at dog products and bought it for me. It’s a cross with amber, green, and yellow stones set in silver. Arrowcroft was the last store we ventured into. We bought two birdhouses for our garden as well as dog leash hooks in the likeness of Wellington and Fred. These will go up in our back room after it’s finished.

Around 4:00, we were all hungry—having only eaten breakfast, PowerBars, and some salt water taffy—so we stopped at Lineberger’s, a seafood restaurant smack dab in the middle of Gatlinburg. The restaurant was upscale, having been recently refurbished. We sat on the patio. It was loud with all of the traffic and tourists but cool and relaxing nonetheless. I ordered the trout, as Gatlinburg is known for its trout fishing. We also ordered stuffed mushrooms and calamari for the table. I ordered a salad and baked potato to complement my meal. Overall, though, I felt it wasn’t worth the price we paid. The main spice used in the trout was cinnamon. Although the texture and presentation was what you would expect for an upscale restaurant, the taste was way too sweet. I ended up giving the other half to Robert and his dad. They agreed about the spice. Perhaps if you try Lineberger’s, go for a sandwich. The service, and our server, was impeccable.

Lineberger's in downtown Gatlinburg.


We skipped dessert and decided to stop at Marble Slab Creamery on the way back to the cabin. Of course, I picked the most chocolatey, peanut buttery thing I could find and ate the whole thing. I was miserable after that but after all of the walking we did, felt like a few extra calories wouldn’t hurt. We headed back to the cabin, hopped in the hot tub on the lower back deck, and relaxed for the rest of the evening, pouring over our maps and planning a Saturday hiking trip.

Robert and I woke up at 6:00 the next morning—I know, I know, habits. This ended up to be a good thing, however, as my phone rang at 6:30 that morning with some disconcerting news. I looked at the screen on my cell phone and saw that it was the petsitter. My heart jumped into my throat. “Hello?” I said. Mary replied, “first of all, everything’s fine. But, are your horses supposed to be in your front yard?” We keep horses for a local fireman on our farm. They had busted through the gate and entered our yard. Mary said she tried to rally them through the gate but the chestnut mare wouldn’t let her come near. I told Mary to just leave and I would take care of it. I promptly called the fireman who said he would be out within the half hour to secure the gate and herd the horses back into the field.

After that wake-up call, we got up and decided to tackle Rainbow Falls. The Falls route is the original trail to Mount LeConte and certainly a challenging hike. By the time you reach the Falls, you gain 1,500 feet in elevation. It took us nearly two hours from trailhead to falls but was certainly worth the effort, in both exercise benefit and breathtaking view. We made plenty of stops along the way to catch our breath and enjoy the scenery, both along LeConte Creek and on the actual path, where lizards and insects abound. The actual Falls are 80 feet high and the mist generated from the water creates a rainbow wall of sorts. The rainbow almost looks like a rock shield from some angles flowing with brilliant colors. Once we reached the Falls, we pulled out our store of salt water taffy and enjoyed a well-deserved snack. Robert and I climbed as close as we could to the Falls and took pictures. The temperature by the water was quite cool and with the mist blowing off the water, it felt like we were standing in front of a huge air conditioner. Hats off to Robert’s mom, who will be 65-years-old this week and to his father, who is now 77.

Sun peeking through the trees on the trail.

The rocky path.



Robert and I halfway up the trail.

Mum and Father halfway up the trail.

The 80 foot Rainbow Falls.

Robert at the base of the Falls.


We went early enough that the trail was quite empty. On our way down, however, we encountered many wanna-be hikers. Each one of them had one question to ask, “how much further is the waterfall?” Some of them were in great shape and, in fact, were heading even further up the mountain to LeConte (which is another four hours past the Falls) to camp. Most, though, were obese and underprepared, with no water and wearing flip flops or even dress shoes! We were amazed at how clueless some of them were! Of note were a couple of teenage boys that we met on the way down (they were headed up). They went to the Falls then passed us on their way down. I exclaimed as they passed me, “there’s no WAY you made it up and back that quickly!” They replied that they had pictures to prove it. I chalked it up to the energy and strength of youth. Another smiling couple had a cockatoo in tow. He was sitting on his mom’s shoulder enjoying the ride. We got to hold him. As mum held him, he slowly made his way up her arm and sat very proudly on her head! This blissful couple had acquired him as a hatchling and said they take him everywhere. The rangers apparently don’t mind. One of the families that we passed told us that they had spotted a bear on the trail. They said he was about 100 pounds. Later, we passed a marine who had taken a picture of the bear—he told us that the animal was larger than 100 pounds and, after looking at his picture, we had to agree!

Mum with friend.


We made it to the bottom of the trail and discussed our next move. The agreement was to stop and grab a bite to eat then head on to Clingman’s Dome. Unfortunately for the others in the car, it didn’t quite go that way. I got cranky…and didn’t care to hide it!

Robert decided not to stop and just to head on to Clingman’s Dome. The drive was about 45 minutes. I was hungry and tired. All I wanted was a PowerBar and maybe some nuts but the executive decision was made. I don’t know about you, but when I’m hungry and tired, I get cranky. Unfortunately, the rest of the car had to suffer my temper tantrum as I chastised my husband for not stopping. He took it in stride, though, and walked right by me up the half-mile incline to the lookout tower. The pathway was full of people in various stages of health. The climb, though paved, was tiring after the long trek to Rainbow Falls. It held a consistent grade that challenged the thighs and hips. Once we got to the top, there was a lookout tower that reached 54 feet. I felt like I was on top of the Hancock Tower, waiting for people to edge away from the railing so I could get a glimpse.

Mum and Dad walking up the half-mile slope to Clingman's Dome.

The hazy view from the lookout tower at Clingman's Dome.

Clingman’s Dome is the Great Smoky Mountains National Park’s highest elevation. It is located halfway in North Carolina and halfway in Tennessee. It stands 6,643 feet high. Due to air pollution, the viewing distance is limited to 22 feet. When you look out onto the mountains from the vantage point of the lookout tower, one of the first things you’ll notice is that there are many dead trees peppered throughout the forests. After we descended the Dome, we read that an insect called the Balsam Woolly Adelgid fed on spruce fir tree sap and decimated the forests. The insects were brought to the U.S. in the 1950s from Japan. New spruce fir trees are now growing thanks to the introduction of a beetle that feeds on the destructive buggers. Regardless of the pollution and the trees, Clingman’s Dome is certainly a worthy landmark to see. Just try to be well rested, well hydrated, and well fed before you go to deter any potential grumpiness.

After leaving the Dome, we headed back to the cabin, had a snack (hooray!), jumped in the hot tub for a soak, then took a well deserved nap. The day wasn’t over yet, though, as we took mum out for a birthday dinner at The Cherokee Grill. The Grill’s reputation was founded in steaks so I ordered a sirloin, macaroni and cheese with bacon and spinach, and a salad with bleu cheese dressing. The foccacia bread that was served in a basket was nice with a suggestion of herbs. The cheesy garlic bread that came with my salad was so delicious I could have eaten the whole thing. I knew the mac & cheese was coming, though, so took a bite of the bread then passed the rest on to Robert. The salad was delicious, mostly because of the bleu cheese. I ate every single bite. The steak, which I ordered medium rare, was cut like a Filet Mignon and therefore had a nice pink middle. I ate about half of it and put the rest in a to-go box. The macaroni was good but I probably wouldn’t order it again. I should have gone with a lighter side but my tummy was rumbling after such a good walk that day and I allowed myself to get a little out of hand. Afterwards, we walked around Gatlinburg and stopped again for ice cream—this time at Ben and Jerry’s. I had never been at a Ben and Jerry’s but have to say I enjoyed the Creamery from the evening before a little better. It wasn’t long after we got back to the cabin that I was in bed snoozing away.

On Sunday morning, we all got up and decided to eat a nutritious breakfast then head to a couple of shops before departing for Winchester. We stopped at a small Amish store (not a true Amish store...but marketers can pretty much claim anything) where mum bought us a beautiful birdhouse for our garden. It's actually more like a bird condominium! She also purchased an "Outhouse" sign for us to put over our bathroom door. After we left the Amish store, we stopped in to purchase some fireworks. Tennessee fireworks outshine anything Kentucky sells so we spent about $50 and will save the explosives for Thanksgiving (when we will hopefully wake up our neighbor who was blatantly setting off fireworks at 3:00 a.m. on Monday, July 6). Finally, we stopped in at Burger King to enjoy whoppers, french fries, and onion rings before driving all the way home in the rain.

We ran out of room in the car so the in-laws were a bit squished.


We were tired but smiling as we pulled into the driveway...that is, until we noticed the horse poop laying smack dab in the middle of it. Remember the horse fiasco from Saturday morning? The fireman who owns the horses called me on Saturday afternoon to assure me that he had secured the gate and had walked the property to make sure the horses didn't do any damage. I guess he didn't have his glasses on because there were about ten piles of poop that we had to clean up on our return. I hauled the wheelbarrow around the yard while Robert scooped up the bombs. They also ate every single bite of the corn I was growing in my garden! I was having such success with it that it was heartbreaking to see the eaten stalks sticking up out of the raised bed. Mum later bought me some zucchini which I will plant in the corn's stead as it is too late in the season to replant. In addition, they trampled through the sedum patch...that red sedum I had purchased and planted as a gift to my husband on Valentine's Day. All was well with the dogs, though. And in the end, if nobody died, it was probably a good day.